DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am from a family of five children, all of us now in our 60s. Our parents are both deceased.
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Seven years ago, one of our brothers became angry at the rest of the family and broke off contact with all of us.
My mother had a fruitcake recipe that all of us like, and for years it has been my custom to make her fruitcake and send it to all my siblings at Christmas. I have continued to do this, including for the brother who has cut off contact. He never acknowledges receipt of it, never says thank you, and I don’t know that he isn’t just throwing it in the trash.
I want to continue to take the high road and keep sending it to him so that 1) He can’t complain that I cut him off, and 2) Maybe at some point there will be a reconciliation.
My husband thinks I am wasting my money, and that my brother’s repeated refusal to acknowledge the gift communicates that he doesn’t want any fruitcake. He thinks I should drop my brother from the fruitcake list.
GENTLE READER: Really? Miss Manners would consider that money (or its equivalent in candied fruit, brandy and such) well spent when it is used to remind your uncaring brother that he has a caring family.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am curious about your opinion when TV guests are told, “Thank you for being on the show,” and they reply, “Thank you.”
Why do so many guests skip the “You’re welcome” and go directly to “Thank you,” often without adding “… for having me”?
Do we no longer acknowledge thanks on radio or TV?
GENTLE READER: Actually, there is a lot of thanking that goes on in news programs and interview shows. For example, anchors thank their correspondents, which is more than Miss Manners recalls newspaper editors doing when reporters handed in their copy.
But it is an awkward situation. Don’t you think that “You’re welcome” would sound as if the correspondents had done the anchors a favor?
It is sort of the same with the so-called guests. As the opportunity to sound off on television is considered a boon, return thanks are better than “You’re welcome.”
For that matter, the situation is similar with real guests in ordinary social life. But then it is the guests who thank the hosts first. And “You’re welcome” would not sound quite right, so the hosts just say how delighted they were to have the guests.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance and I wish to have a small wedding, which we’ve tried to announce from the outset. We are still in the planning process.
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How should we handle seeing extended family over the holidays when they aren’t invited to our wedding? While we don’t intend to talk about a party with guests who are not invited, engagements tend to beget wedding inquiries.
GENTLE READER: Whatever size a wedding, it is prudent to describe it as “small” and “quiet,” adding, “We really don’t want a fuss made over it.” Miss Manners also advises you to warn your parents not to say, “Yes, it’s only 300 of their closest friends.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
