DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m currently facing a challenging situation with my roommate. She has a habit of imitating everything I do, which is not only irritating but also seems to escalate into arguments over trivial matters, especially when we have company around.
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I’ve noticed she thrives on debates in front of our friends, making our social gatherings uncomfortable.
As the new year approaches, I’m eager to create some distance between us without severing our friendship entirely.
How can I delicately navigate this situation to establish some healthy boundaries without causing unnecessary conflict or completely ending our friendship?
— Need My Space
DEAR NEED MY SPACE: Sounds like your roommate is jealous and craving attention.
She may not realize how she’s behaving: You create an audience for her, and her knee-jerk response is to perform. In order to break the cycle, you have to get her to see what she is doing.
You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Point out that sometimes her behavior makes you uneasy. Give her a couple of examples so she can understand what you mean. Explain to her that you have become uncomfortable hosting people in your own home because you never know how she is going to behave.
Ask her if she is willing to agree to curb her behavior if you two develop a cue that lets her know she has gone too far — a safe word or something like that. Or tell her that sometimes you want to have guests over at times when she cannot participate in the festivities. You can have your gatherings, and she can have hers — as long as you two coordinate in advance.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a reformed shopaholic, and I’ve made huge strides this year to curb my endless spending tendencies. I have even been able to save a significant amount of money.
But as we get deeper into the holiday season, I’m facing a dilemma. Gift-giving is huge in my family, and I tend to splurge during the holidays.
I haven’t begun shopping yet because once I start swiping my card, it’s hard to stop.
I’m torn between keeping up my savings progress and continuing the tradition of being a thoughtful gift-giver. Any tips on finding a happy middle ground?
— Afraid To Start
DEAR AFRAID TO START: Consider giving your family members things that do not require you to go into a store or onto a website.
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Let your loved ones know that you are mixing it up and doing the holidays differently. Limit your giving to something you can “shop” for in your own closet. Give a gift certificate that offers time with you doing something meaningful — taking a walk together when the weather gets warm, enjoying a home-cooked meal together, going to an art opening, etc.
Or give stocks. Talk to your financial adviser and get a recommendation for a financial gift that can be modest in price but a great incentive to inspire your special people to invest in their future.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
