DEAR HARRIETTE: Despite announcing my decision to stop drinking to many friends and family, I still encounter peer pressure when I go out with them.
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It’s challenging to stick to my choice without feeling like I’m ruining the vibe or being seen as a buzzkill.
I value my decision, yet I don’t want to dampen the fun or create discomfort when declining drinks. How can I navigate these situations gracefully and stand by my choice without negatively affecting the atmosphere?
— People, Places and Things
DEAR PEOPLE, PLACES AND THINGS: One of the warnings in 12-step programs that promote and support sobriety is to be keenly aware of the people, places and things that might be triggers for you to drink again.
If you are serious about becoming sober, it is highly recommended for you to stay away from anything and everything that might set you off. You may not want to go out with the people who find it hard to honor your decision, especially in the early days.
Some people find ways to get more comfortable being around others who are drinking over time. When you are in the midst of drinkers, you can nurse a nonalcoholic beverage all night. Having a seltzer water or even a fancy mocktail — a cocktail with no alcohol — sends a signal to others that you have a drink in hand. Then they can relax and focus on something else.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a foreign exchange student from Spain attending a university in the United States.
It is my first year here, and I have met some great friends. The only issue is that they are all from Spain and Italy. It feels weird to come to America and not make any American friends.
I have a few acquaintances in my classes, but it doesn’t seem as if they are interested in doing anything outside of class.
I know this is a phenomenon that happens to many exchange students all over the world. However, I want to immerse myself more in the culture and make connections with American students so I can broaden my network of friends.
Do you have any advice on how I can expand my social circle so I can create meaningful connections with American classmates? I appreciate your insights.
— Need Connections
DEAR NEED CONNECTIONS: Look in the local paper and on message boards to see what’s happening in your area. Search for activities that interest you — music, art, sports, lectures, films — and start going to the events. Be proactive. Speak to people who are there.
You have to put yourself out there. Chances are, you will quickly meet others who are just as curious about you.
Ask your exchange program coordinator as well. There should be activities handy that they can share with you that welcome foreign students and encourage you to immerse yourself into the culture.
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Harriette Cole: My husband comes home late, and I think I know why
It would be a shame for you to come all this way to remain isolated. Put forth the effort. I feel confident that you will make a few lifelong friends in the process.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
