DEAR HARRIETTE: A couple in my close friend group is getting a divorce, and it is very sad.
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I have noticed that my wife, “Betty,” is becoming increasingly more negative toward our marriage, and I think it’s because she is trying to be there for the wife who has been dumped, “Rebecca.”
I’m friends with both Rebecca and her husband, and I have tried to stay out of it.
I don’t want to walk away from Rebecca, but I need her to stop feeding negativity to my wife. We were doing fine until Betty started believing that the things that were happening to Rebecca were also happening to her.
What can I do to fix this?
— Stop the Bleed
DEAR STOP THE BLEED: Since you are also friends Rebecca, speak directly to her.
Tell her how sorry you are for what’s happening to her and that you want to support her in any way you can. But make it clear that you need her to stop giving Betty blow-by-blow details of her marriage woes. Explain that Betty suddenly believes you are doing the same things to her, which is not true.
To preserve your friendship with Rebecca and your marriage to Betty, ask Rebecca to stop venting to your wife. While this may feel like a huge ask, the alternative is cutting her off completely. When things settle down, you may be able to resume being confidants, but not now.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a small business that has experienced many ups and downs over the years.
We did well during the pandemic. Now that we are a couple of years out of quarantine, things are tight again. My contracts are dwindling, and I am finding it difficult to drum up new business.
I don’t want to become despondent, but it is hard. Just when I thought things were going well, the economy fell out and I am scraping to keep my staff and everything going. I have cut back in every way that I can.
How can I keep a positive mental outlook when the horizon is looking pretty bleak?
— Life of an Entrepreneur
DEAR LIFE OF AN ENTREPRENEUR: Review the history of your business. What has worked over the years? Since you have been able to stay alive through lean times in the past, now you need to consider how you did that.
Are there any practices you put in place before that you can adopt again? While you are already cutting the fat, what else can go? Can you automate any parts of your business? While AI is still somewhat controversial, many companies are utilizing it to cut down on costs. Do your research to figure that out.
It may also be time to think about recasting your net. What does your business do? Should it shift at all during today’s times? If so, how? In order to stay viable, you have to stay current.
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If you focus your attention on solving all of the problems mentioned above, you won’t have time to worry. Wake up every day with the intention of surviving and thriving. Look for opportunities that will help you get there. This should keep you upbeat.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
