DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a single mother, and I recently discovered that my 12-year-old son has been engaging in bullying behavior at school.
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I received a call from his teacher expressing concerns about his interactions with classmates and some reported incidents.
I am shocked and disappointed because I’ve always tried to instill values of kindness and empathy in him. I never thought my child would be the one causing harm to others.
I’ve talked to him about it, and he seemed remorseful. I want to make sure he understands the gravity of his actions and learns to treat his peers with respect. Additionally, I am worried about the potential consequences if this behavior continues.
How can I talk through this situation as a parent and help my son become a more compassionate and understanding individual?
— Stop the Bullying
DEAR STOP THE BULLYING: You need to get to the bottom of why your son has been bullying others. What happened? Did someone hurt his feelings or physically harm him? Or did something else trigger him?
Talk to school officials and to him to determine the cause of the bullying. Find out as much as you can about the circumstances. In order to help your son, you need information.
Before berating him about how he has treated others, talk to him as calmly as you can to learn his side. Ask him to tell you what happened, what’s going on at school. Your compassion and caring for your son right now are key to his willingness to open up and talk to you about whatever is going on inside his head.
Especially if this bullying behavior is new, something triggered it. Do your best to get to the source so that you can help him unpack the situation and how he reacted to it.
Get your son a therapist who can work with him to address his feelings and how he expresses them. Your son needs to learn how to deal with anger, frustration, embarrassment, remorse, etc. A professional should be able to help him engage strategies for managing himself better. You can continue to show him love and talk to him about how you deal with intense emotions.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Being the only one among my friends with a toddler, I’m facing a dilemma when it comes to my child’s birthday celebration. I want to make sure everyone, even those who may not be used to child-centric events, enjoys the party.
How can I create an environment that is enjoyable for my friends, ensuring they don’t feel bored or out of place? Balancing the interests of both adults and children during the celebration is important to me, and I’m looking for ways to make the event inclusive and enjoyable for everyone involved.
— Cross-Generational Party
DEAR CROSS-GENERATIONAL PARTY: I was the oldest one with a child in my friend group and had a similar challenge. What I did was essentially to have two parties at once — one for the children and one for the adults, both in the same place.
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The children had activities and a group leader so that I could participate but not have to run everything. The adults had light bites, adult beverages and each other. They chatted at what was essentially a cocktail party, and everyone came together for the cake and any other formal activities.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
