DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am writing to you on behalf of a fracture in my family — namely, the infamous #fishgate.
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One Christmas, my father purchased a large salmon. My husband then smoked the fish, which we all ate. After the meal, there was some leftover fish.
My mother first asked my husband if he would like the leftovers, and he said, “No, thank you.” My mother then told my brother he could have it. But unbeknownst to us, my dad had already packed up the fish to take home for my mother, who is pescatarian.
My brother got very annoyed and demanded the fish. My father rather sheepishly gave it to him.
The following Mother’s Day, my father again brought fish over, which my husband smoked for everyone to eat. It was very tasty. My dad also brought a second filet, telling my husband that it was specifically for my mother as a leftover so she could eat it over the coming week. After the meal, my dad packaged it up and took it home with them.
My brother and mother believe my father “stole” the fish in both situations. From my perspective, my father went to the store and purchased the fish. After my husband, who cooked it, declined the leftovers, the next in line would be my father.
My mother says it is her right to give it to my brother, but I find this confusing. I feel like it was my father’s fish.
I would appreciate your advice on the proper passage of leftovers at a family dinner.
GENTLE READER: When the situation is not as complicated as this, potluck leftovers go back to the owner if the host declines. The confusion here, however, stems from your father taking the fish on behalf of your mother, thereby relinquishing his rights as owner.
But if your father truly intended it for your mother and she does not want it, why is he insisting? Miss Manners smells something … suspicious.
Her best advice would be for your father to learn how to smoke his own fish and avoid all of this.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister got married some time ago, and shot glasses were the wedding favors.
She is now divorced. What do you do with the favor?
The wedding did happen, and it’s my sister, so on one hand I want to keep it. On the other hand, they are now divorced.
I know you’ll say it’s my decision, but I am curious as to what someone else may have done in a similar situation. Such a trivial thing, I know.
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GENTLE READER: Yet there it is, taking up space in your house, as well as your head.
If you cannot repurpose it (decoupage? nail polish?), Miss Manners suggests creating a box marked “Sentimental” and putting it in the back of the closet or basement with all of the other things that are hard to discard. Miss Manners has an attic full of them.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
