DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a niece who had a baby a year ago. The mother hosted a shower, and I gave a very generous gift from her baby registry.
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About a month later, the gift I had given her was listed for sale on her social media page.
If she was not happy with the gift, I would have gladly returned it in exchange for something else. Needless to say, seeing the gift for sale left a bad taste in my mouth.
I never mentioned any of this to anybody. My niece has no idea I came across my gift for sale on her page, and I’m not going to bring it up. There will simply be no more presents.
Now, the baby is turning 1 and there is a birthday party planned. The invitation has a gift registry listed. I’m going to be out of town, so I will not be in attendance, nor am I inclined to give a gift of any sort.
Am I overreacting by sending my regrets for the upcoming party and withholding future gifts without stating why?
I hate to punish the child because of the actions of the mother. I do plan to spend time with him as he grows up, and to give him experiences rather than gifts whenever possible.
GENTLE READER: Selling presents off of one’s very own registry is a confounding practice. She asked for it! Trading it for cash publicly, and therefore exposing the scam, is even more unspeakably rude.
Miss Manners assures you that you are under no obligation to issue any more presents. But she likes your idea of spending time with the child and giving him experiences that — one hopes — are not returnable. Maybe one of those can be teaching him the manners that his mother seems to be dreadfully lacking.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have never been one to wear a lot of makeup unless it is a special event. My daily makeup often consists of foundation/concealer, mascara and lip gloss.
I have often received compliments on my “lovely” skin. Knowing that I’m covering discoloration from acne scars and that my natural skin is not blemish-free, I feel dishonest just saying “thank you.” In fact, my ex-husband once gave me the side-eye when I did this, whispering, “If only she knew.”
Should I be disclosing that they are not seeing a makeup-free face?
GENTLE READER: You do not have to betray truth in packaging when it comes to compliments.
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As a society, we are oversharing, and in Miss Manners’ opinion, women in particular feel the need to apologize for, explain away or deflect even the most generally pleasant of accolades. You do not need to indulge anyone with unsolicited confessions.
And while we are at it, you might have told your ex-husband to keep his side-eye and whispering to himself. Obviously, he must have had serious blemishes of his own.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
