DEAR HARRIETTE: Valuing the art of being fully present during conversations, I make it a point to keep my phone away.
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However, I’ve noticed my friends continuously scrolling through theirs while we engage.
How can I approach them about the importance of being present and attentive without causing offense or seeming too demanding?
— Screens Off
DEAR SCREENS OFF: If you are close to this group of friends, invite them to do something that is popular with parents and teens: Have them put their phones in the middle of the table or in a bowl when you get together.
Ask them if they would consider at least occasionally having a technology-free experience when you gather. It will give you all time to be fully present when you are in each other’s company and wean them off of their reliance on their devices.
If they balk, note that when you do get together, inevitably most of them are distracted because they are constantly looking down and scrolling to see what’s happening in the netherworld of the internet rather than what’s happening right in front of their faces.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a high school math teacher, and I have been facing a challenging situation with one of my students.
I am 24 years old and have only been teaching for one year, so I haven’t yet run into many difficult situations.
This student has been acting out in class, displaying disruptive behavior and struggling to focus on assignments. After some investigation, I’ve learned that he is dealing with a hostile home life, which seems to be affecting his behavior at school.
I want to help him succeed academically and emotionally, but I’m unsure about the best way to approach this situation.
I am concerned that if I discipline him too harshly, it might worsen the issues he’s facing at home. On the other hand, I can’t ignore the disruptive behavior, as it affects the entire class.
How can I support him without making things worse for him? Are there any resources I can use to help a student dealing with a difficult home life?
I want to create a positive and nurturing environment in my classroom, but I’m struggling to strike the right balance in this situation.
— Troubled Student
DEAR TROUBLED STUDENT: Now is the time to enlist the support of your school’s guidance counselor. Talk to that professional about strategies that the school has employed to support students with disruptive tendencies.
Ask for advice and partnership when dealing with this student. When his behavior begins to impact the class, invite him to go to the guidance office, where he can get help calming himself and taking a timeout.
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Talk to him one on one and try to get him to open up about his life. Find out what interests him, too, so that you can engage him in topics that will feed his positive energy. Encourage him to do some deep breathing when he finds himself getting agitated. Suggest that he excuse himself for a bathroom break before he has an outburst.
Offer to meet with him after class to support any additional learning he may need. Provide this as an incentive if he is willing to stay calm and focused during class.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
