DEAR HARRIETTE: It has recently come to my attention that I have a very serious demeanor.
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My friend brought it up to me that even in casual situations and when I text, I come off very formal and serious.
At first, I didn’t take her comment seriously because this was just one person’s opinion. In the past two weeks, however, there have been four situations where people have told me I come off as very serious.
This has left me confused. I don’t want to change myself for anyone, but I wonder if this cold front is turning people away from me and causing me to miss out on friendships.
I value authenticity and don’t want to change who I am for the sake of others, but at the same time, I’m open to self-improvement if it means creating better connections.
I wonder if my serious demeanor is unintentionally creating a barrier. If so, how can I navigate this without compromising my true self?
— Too Serious
DEAR TOO SERIOUS: Good for you that you are open to feedback. That doesn’t mean you are ready to change who you are for people. More, it suggests that you are always open for improvement.
Pay attention to your own facial expressions when you are listening to others. What does your resting face look like? Can you add a soft smile that looks welcoming and professional all at once?
Similarly, when you speak to people on the phone, on Zoom or in person, do your best to add an authentic and welcoming smile and warm eye contact.
Believe it or not, wearing that confident smile also supports your writing. If you think pleasant thoughts as you are writing an email, it will remind you to greet a person kindly before jumping in about the task at hand.
Small, thoughtful actions can warm up your demeanor and make you less intimidating and more welcoming.
DEAR HARRIETTE: About five months ago, I lost my aunt, who had played a huge role in keeping our family connected.
She was the one who hosted holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, acting as the glue that held us together.
Since her passing, our family dynamics have changed drastically, and it feels like we are falling apart. The void left by my aunt’s absence is not only emotional; it has also led to chaos and anger among family members.
No one seems willing to step up and host holidays, resulting in a lack of gatherings that once defined our family.
The constant disagreements and conflicts have become a painful reality, and it is really sad to witness our family crumbling right in front of my eyes.
I am at a loss for what to do. How can I help bring my family back together even though I am just a 19-year-old?
— Passing the Baton
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DEAR PASSING THE BATON: Maybe it is time for the next generation to step up.
You are not too young to reignite family unity and help organize special gatherings. Look around to see if there are any other family members in your age group or otherwise who might be willing to support you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
