DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I grew up, my parents told me it was never OK to discuss money — not how much something cost, not how much you had in the bank, not your pension, not your inheritance.
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My impression was that it was bragging, or would start comparisons that could lead to hard feelings. People would judge you by how much money you had (or didn’t have).
My close friend has no problem talking about how much her car cost, how much she spent on vacation, what she gets in her pension, how much she has in an IRA, etc. She finds it odd that I don’t want to reveal my money situation.
So then I thought, maybe I was actually taught that talking about money was “low class,” or that people who were comfortable with their financial situation did not need to talk about it. Or is it that people who didn’t grow up with enough money like to talk about how much they now have and how well they’re doing?
Why was I taught that discussing money was rude? Why do I still believe this?
GENTLE READER: Because your parents were right: It constitutes bragging, leads to unpleasant comparisons and uses money to calculate people’s more general worth.
Miss Manners begs you not to twist this to mean its opposite. Obviously, refraining from discussing one’s finances is the opposite of lording it over people who have less money than you.
That your friend discusses her money does not mean you need to do so. Surely your parents must also have taught you that if a friend jumps out the window, you are not required to follow.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like to know how to reply to others when they make negative comments about where I am traveling.
Often, I need to let people know that I will be out of town. They always want to know where I am going, but follow it up with negative comments, such as “I wouldn’t go there” or “I’ve heard that area is not worth visiting.”
GENTLE READER: You could stop telling such people where you are going, simply saying “Away.”
But Miss Manners would be tempted to reply, “Yes, that’s what we are telling people to avoid the over-tourism problem.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend and I had an exquisite meal at a very expensive restaurant. I paid because they didn’t have their wallet on them, even though they ordered most of the food for themselves.
Long story short, how do I politely decline paying for dinner tonight?
GENTLE READER: Actually, the follow-up dinner makes it easy. You don’t have to do any bill collecting; when the check comes, just say, “Your turn. I got it last time.”
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Hypothetically, if no one offers to throw a shower or bachelorette party for a bride-to-be, should she ask for one?
GENTLE READER: If she doesn’t mind seeming pathetic, she can ask for anything, including honors that nobody she knows is inspired to give her otherwise. This does not mean that they need to comply.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
