DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend called me, on two separate occasions, to complain about my daughter’s behavior towards her daughter at school.
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I was a bit taken aback because when my daughter is at school, her teacher is responsible for her. I do not homeschool, and cannot control my daughter when she is not in my presence.
Initially, I offered an apology. When it happened a second time, I was annoyed, but said “thank you.” I contacted the school and let them know my daughter was experiencing social/relational aggression with schoolmates.
Since then, my supposed friend hasn’t contacted me. I feel that she has reacted emotionally and taken this situation personally.
What is the correct way to respond when a parent is contacted by another parent, and still maintain their respect and friendship?
GENTLE READER: Your friend feels that parental responsibility is not a switch to be turned off merely because a child is out of sight. As Miss Manners agrees with her, her suggestion to you is that you listen, investigate (if important specifics are in doubt), and respond.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We were sitting at a restaurant, perhaps talking too loudly. A diner complained on the way out: They objected to a word that we used (not a slur, not an expletive).
We said, in our best Miss Manners voice, “Sorry.” They left.
Later, a friend not present said he would have been confrontational in our shoes. I figure it’s better to be easygoing, but I still feel uncomfortable, especially now that anyone can be unhappy with any word.
Any suggestions?
GENTLE READER: That your friend emulate you, as he is unlikely to enjoy the world if he sticks with his stated approach.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I’m talking to someone who represents a company, I sometimes say something like, “This is the fourth time I have called you.”
The representative nearly always replies with, “I’m not the person you talked to last time. I didn’t know about this issue before.”
Sometimes I then say, “The word ‘you’ can be used as a plural; in this case, it refers to your company and the people who work there.”
Am I wrong to use the word “you” to address a company in general? Do I have to say, at the beginning of every sentence, “I’m referring to the company you represent when I say the word ‘you’”?
GENTLE READER: A call that begins with your announcing how many preceded it is not, Miss Manners feels sure, to discuss what a wonderful job the company is doing. You are calling to get the book, the dishwasher or the refund you were promised.
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For that reason, she cautions against aggressive forays into grammar lessons, which will only convince the customer service representative that you are looking for a fight — and any fight will do.
Instead, you may say: “Please don’t transfer me. This is my fourth call about this; I have been transferred three times and twice hung up on. I would be grateful if you could help me finally resolve this.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
