DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my group of friends, it is common that one friend will offer to host a gathering and handle all of the food. All they ask is that people bring what they want to drink.
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I am not a big drinker, but I do enjoy it at these events, and I am rather picky about what I drink. So, bringing my own bottle of wine — one that I know I like — works well for me.
The issue is that other partygoers see me with it and want some.
I certainly don’t need to drink a whole bottle of wine by myself, but I’d ideally like at least two glasses over the course of a four- to five-hour event. I usually just barely get my single glass poured before the rest of the bottle is finished by others.
I thought I’d remedy this by bringing two bottles of the same wine, but that only meant that more partygoers helped themselves.
I assume these people also brought their own drinks, but I don’t ask in the moment. It’s not clear if they came unprepared and are relying on others, or if they just see something that looks good and want a glass for themselves.
I don’t fault others for wanting some of my wine. But I don’t know how to graciously decline, or if doing so is even a well-mannered option.
So what is the solution? Bring three bottles of wine? Four? Open it in advance and pour it into a nondescript thermos? Keep my wine in my bag and sneak into the bathroom to pour it?
GENTLE READER: This is the argument against the kind of partial hosting that your friends, and so many others, seem to enjoy. If the host provided the beverages, everyone would be having the same thing — no soliciting, no monopolizing.
But then, Miss Manners supposes, you would only be able to enjoy your special beverage when it was your turn to host. (Also, what is this special drink?! Now Miss Manners wants to try it.)
She therefore suggests you bring a few bottles and accept its inevitable popularity. Perhaps your friends will be moved by your generosity and good taste to bring some themselves next time.
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I purchased a lamp for a housewarming gift. It is boxed and unassembled.
Should I assemble it before giving it, or leave it nicely in its box? And what is the best way to wrap the lamp?
GENTLE READER: In the box. It is not only infinitely easier to wrap, but also — Miss Manners is reluctant to add — return, if necessary.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
