DEAR HARRIETTE: I never thought I’d find myself in this situation, but here I am. Recently, I was dumped by my long-term boyfriend, and I’m feeling lost and embarrassed.
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We’ve been together for nearly a decade, and the sudden end of our relationship has left me completely unsure of what to do next. I’m 30 years old, and it feels like I’m starting over in so many aspects of my life.
The future I envisioned with him is now gone, and I’m struggling to make sense of it all. The pain is overwhelming, and I’m not sure how to deal with the heartbreak. I find myself wondering what went wrong and how I can move forward.
The thought of facing the world as a single woman in my 30s is both intimidating and daunting.
How do I cope, and where do I even begin to rebuild my life? I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself, and I’m unsure of who I am outside of this relationship.
— Dumped
DEAR DUMPED: Take a deep breath. It’s time to regroup.
As daunting as it seems today, at least you are free of this relationship at a point when you still have a full life ahead of you. Look at this as a fresh start.
Take a minute to determine what type of relationship you are looking for. What qualities do you want in a partner? What don’t you want? Then get out there and meet new people. Do you have single friends? Perhaps you can go out with some of them. Let friends know that you are back on the market.
Definitely invest in a therapist who can help you get over the negative feelings you may have about yourself and your past so that you are completely available for what’s next in your life. You can do it!
DEAR HARRIETTE: I believe I may be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, but I am hesitant to embrace this aspect of my identity due to the lack of acceptance from those around me.
The thought of not being accepted for who I am is causing me distress and uncertainty. I yearn to live authentically and be accepted for who I am, but the fear of rejection is holding me back.
Any guidance or support you can offer on embracing my identity and dealing with the reactions of those who may not understand or accept me would be greatly appreciated.
— Identity Crisis
DEAR IDENTITY CRISIS: You owe it to yourself to figure out who you are and who and how you love. That does not mean that there won’t be people who will criticize you and possibly go out of their way to make you feel uncomfortable. So be it.
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Before you wage that war, focus on your life and explore your identity. Look around in your area to see where people from the LGBTQ+ community gather. Put yourself in that environment so that you can meet like-minded people. Take your time to meet people and build friendships with them. Take it slow as you expand your horizons. And feel free to keep your personal relationships to yourself.
If you feel unsafe, consider moving to an area that is more welcoming. You can live the life that reflects who you are. It may take a few strategic steps to make that happen, but don’t give up stepping into the fullness of who you are, whomever that is.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
