DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We’ve had arguments about bedtime etiquette since the honeymoon phase wore off.
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There’s one bed in his three-bedroom house. I like to sleep in silence and in darkness — I’ve always thought this was the ideal setting for quality sleep. My boyfriend likes to sit up in bed with a dim light on, scrolling and playing videos on his phone while I’m next to him!
The first time I asked if maybe he could do that before coming to bed, he lost it and kicked me out of the bedroom. Since then, I have at least gotten him to turn off the lights, but he still watches videos and refuses to wear a headset or earbuds.
He stays up much later than I do, so I can’t fall asleep until he’s ready.
He says I am “overly sensitive” and gets upset when I go to sleep on the couch. We’ve had nasty fights about this, and I don’t understand how I’m unreasonable when I just want to sleep. I think he’s selfish.
Who’s being unreasonable, and how can I manage to get quality sleep with a partner like this?
— SLEEP-DEPRIVED IN THE EAST
DEAR SLEEP-DEPRIVED: You are not unreasonable. Your boyfriend is controlling and inconsiderate. You must take care of yourself. Sleep deprivation can not only make a person a dangerous driver and less efficient at work, but it can also make a person sick.
If you are not living with this person full time, for the sake of your health, consider sleeping at your place on weeknights. If you are living in his home, consider moving out.
If your boyfriend is this unreasonable in other areas, “consider reconsidering” the relationship.
DEAR ABBY: I’m 42 and recently had my first baby. My brother is six years younger and has a baby who just turned 1. Our mom has four biological grandkids and one step-grandchild.
I know Mom loves all of them. She is a very caring and giving grandmother. But lately, anytime I bring up my daughter in conversation, she automatically starts talking about my brother’s baby. I have noticed this is happening a lot, and my boyfriend has noticed it also.
We were recently at a family party, and anytime anyone mentioned their kids or grandkids, Mom would walk over and start talking about my brother’s daughter.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my niece. But Mom doesn’t talk about my daughter or my sister’s kids (teenagers) like she does my brother’s girl.
Am I wrong to feel that my mom needs to concentrate on my baby when she is around her? I get tired of her always bringing up my niece. My boyfriend is fed up with it, too, but hasn’t said anything to my mom.
I honestly don’t think she does it intentionally. Is this something I should address with her, or just let it be?
— TICKED OFF IN TEXAS
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Dear Abby: What’s wrong with me that I don’t feel sad?
DEAR TICKED OFF: Because this is bothering you enough that you would write to me, you absolutely should discuss this with your mother. And when you do, tell her your boyfriend has noticed it, too, and ask her why she feels it necessary to do this.
She may be unaware she is doing it, and the effect it has been having on you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
