DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 35-year-old man who recently decided to get a nose job after years of feeling insecure about my appearance.
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Growing up, I was always self-conscious about my nose; it was large, and I felt it didn’t fit my face. For as long as I can remember, I’ve dealt with teasing and comments that made me feel like my nose was a defining feature — in a negative way.
After a lot of thought, I finally underwent surgery.
I was excited about the change and felt like it was a step toward feeling more confident and comfortable in my skin. I was pleased with the results, and I finally felt like I had the nose I always wanted.
When I started seeing my friends again, their reactions weren’t what I expected. Instead of being supportive, they’ve been giving me a hard time about my decision.
They keep telling me that my new nose looks unnatural and that they liked my old nose better. Some of them have even joked about how I shouldn’t have “messed with” my face.
What’s worse is that these comments are starting to affect how I feel about myself all over again.
How do I handle their criticism and stay confident in my choices? How do I keep their opinions from overshadowing my feelings about my appearance?
— Nose Job
DEAR NOSE JOB: Your plastic surgeon should have recommended that you get some psychological coaching before going under the knife, because the why of your choice to do this needs to be addressed.
Clearly, you had your own personal concerns about your natural nose, but also significant discomfort based on the way others viewed you. It is important to remember that we cannot live our lives based on others’ perceptions of us. That is giving them too much power, and it doesn’t work.
Step back and begin to get comfortable with the new you. Choose to be confident about your new profile. Venture out into the world and meet new people. Choose to spend time with people who are positive as you gain more and more confidence in yourself.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve recently taken up gardening as a hobby and have been learning a lot about different plants and cultivation techniques.
One of my goals is to create a small vegetable garden in my backyard. However, I’ve realized that I need to better understand soil types, pest control and seasonal planting, as my plants seem to die faster than a lit matchstick.
I’ve been reading books and watching tutorials, but I feel that hands-on guidance could be beneficial. I’m considering reaching out again to our online local gardening club or a community garden for advice. In the past, I’ve gotten little engagement on said online forums, with barely any comments on my posts.
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Harriette Cole: I saw my old friend’s stand-up routine on TikTok. It was about me.
Are there specific questions I should ask when contacting these groups to get more helpful answers? Any additional tips would be greatly appreciated.
— Online Forum Tips
DEAR ONLINE FORUM TIPS: Write to the group administrator, and ask for advice on how to get members to respond to your questions.
Pay attention to see which questions are answered. Ask brief questions. Too much detail in the beginning could be overwhelming to a reader. If the website you’re on seems unresponsive, find another one.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
