DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently organized a surprise 30th birthday party for one of my closest friends, and unfortunately, it turned into a bit of a disaster.
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I wanted to do something special to mark the occasion, so I sent out invitations to all of her friends and family, expecting a great turnout.
A lot of people RSVP’d initially, so I was really excited about how it was all coming together. I booked a nice venue, planned the decorations and arranged for her favorite food and drinks.
However, as the date got closer, several guests started texting me to say they couldn’t make it for various reasons. I tried to stay optimistic, thinking there would still be enough people to make it a fun celebration. But on the actual day, only four people showed up!
Needless to say, I was crushed. I felt terrible that the party wasn’t what I had hoped for, and I’m afraid my friend might have been disappointed, even though she didn’t say anything.
Now I’m wondering if I should talk to her about it or just let it go. I don’t want her to think that I didn’t try my best or that people didn’t care about celebrating her milestone. Should I apologize for the turnout, or should I focus on the fact that we still celebrated with the small group who came?
— Party Fail
DEAR PARTY FAIL: You can tell your friend that you hope she enjoyed her birthday surprise. While you had anticipated more guests, you hope that she knows how much you love her and that she felt special at this milestone.
No need to go into detail about the work you put in, the people you invited or anything else. That will only make her feel bad. Just focus on the joy of her big day.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My partner and I have different political views, and with the election coming up, we’ve been clashing more often.
I’m a strong supporter of Kamala Harris and her policies, while my partner has a different perspective. We’ve always respected each other’s opinions, but lately, our discussions have turned into heated arguments.
I genuinely don’t want our relationship to be affected by politics, but I also feel that these important conversations shouldn’t be avoided.
How should I approach this? Any advice would be great.
— Political Disagreements
DEAR POLITICAL DISAGREEMENTS: This political season is heated for anyone who cares to participate in it — and that is good.
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In America, we have the right to discuss and debate our views. That should also be true in your relationship.
You may want to talk about how and when you two can discuss your differing views, establishing boundaries around such volatile topics. But it is important to know what each of you believes is important, what your values are and what you are willing to accept from your partner.
Plenty of couples fall on different sides of the political fence and are able to have healthy bonds, but that is not always true. You should explore your beliefs and figure out if you are politically compatible — along with the other areas where you mesh.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
