DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance and I are getting married this fall. It will be a very small wedding, with just our immediate families in attendance, and no formal reception.
Related Articles
Miss Manners: Her baby’s hand-me-downs landed me in an unpleasant situation
Miss Manners: A guest touched my husband’s novelty coffee cup, and he flipped out
Miss Manners: This family won’t let my daughter work in peace
Miss Manners: What could I do about the loud child in the restaurant?
Miss Manners: My wife says I embarrassed her at the musical
Because we are having such a small wedding, and because we have been living and creating a home together for the past six years, we did not create any kind of wedding registry. The attendance of our loved ones at this special moment is gift enough!
However, my MIL-to-be recently hosted a surprise wedding shower on our behalf, where several relatives who will not be at the wedding gave us gifts.
While we are so grateful for their thoughtfulness, our lack of a registry meant that several of the gifts were either not our style or things we already had. The guests did provide gift receipts, so we were able to return some of these unneeded items and purchase a nice knife set instead.
How should I complete the thank-yous for the items we returned? Do we mention that they were exchanged for something else, or just thank people for what they gave?
I don’t want to lie and say, “Thank you for the candlesticks; they have a prominent place on our mantel!” when that is not the case.
GENTLE READER: Welcome to a world where presents are not just chosen off of a list and some thought is put into their choosing. Isn’t it wonderfully tacky?
Being honest would be cruel, but outright lying is not necessary, either. Miss Manners suggests that you compliment the presents without committing to using them. As in: “What a unique and interesting tablecloth. Its Jackson Pollack-like look will be so convenient in hiding spills.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Person A lost his wife after nearly 65 years of marriage. On what would have been their wedding anniversary a few weeks later, Person B texted Person A to say, “I’m thinking of you on your anniversary.”
Person A wrote back and said, “Thank you — it was a hard day, and I appreciate you thinking of me.” Person B texted back, “You’re welcome.”
Now, I know that “You’re welcome” is more polite than alternatives such as “No worries,” “No problem” or “Of course.” But it seems somehow inappropriate in this circumstance, and I can’t put my finger on why.
What is one supposed to say in this scenario? What should Person B have said, if anything, when being thanked for thinking of Person A?
Related Articles
Dear Abby: Her husband wants to pay someone else to go to Paris with him
Asking Eric: They say my teen committed to making 8 elaborate cakes. What do I do now?
Harriette Cole: You told the exhausted mother to ask her doctor about a 6th pregnancy?
Miss Manners: Her baby’s hand-me-downs landed me in an unpleasant situation
Dear Abby: My husband won’t side with me against our mooch of a child
None of this is my business, so of course I said nothing. But it did cause me to wonder.
GENTLE READER: The sentiment being more important than the form, Miss Manners thinks Persons A and B both acquitted themselves most graciously.
How fortunate for you that it is not your business.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
