DEAR HARRIETTE: My 32-year-old brother is finally getting married, but I don’t like his bride.
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I know that his life isn’t mine, so I should mind my business. However, I care about my brother and don’t want to see his life get messed up because of his bride-to-be.
My biggest issue is that she doesn’t seem to genuinely love my brother. I notice it in her body language and facial expressions when she’s around him. This leads me to believe she is in this relationship for his money and eventual status.
My brother is an investment banker who is doing well at his company, and there are no limits his career prospects. He has already told her that when she has kids, she won’t need to go back to work if she doesn’t want to.
It seems she is going after the life that he can give her as opposed to him. I am really sad about this.
I want to tell him my feelings, but it seems extremely inappropriate and cliche to be the sister who is badmouthing his fiancee.
Do you think I should say something or let my brother live his life how he wants?
— Protecting My Brother
DEAR PROTECTING MY BROTHER: You are in an extremely tough situation. When people are in love, they don’t often see anything negative about their partner, so anything you say may not be heard.
You may want to ask your brother if he and his fiancee have a prenup. This is a jarring question that can lead to an uncomfortable conversation.
If he asks why you would think such a thing, you can point out that you want him to protect himself. Tell him that you want nothing but the best for him, but knowing how many marriages end badly, you are just thinking ahead and wanting his assets to be protected.
You also have to accept that your brother wants to build a life with this woman, and it is completely his decision. He may be OK with providing for her in the ways you outlined. It may work.
DEAR HARRIETTE: After many years of trying to have a baby and failing, my daughter and her husband just adopted a baby from Japan.
I am worried for the baby’s well-being because neither my daughter nor her husband are of Japanese descent.
I understand that love and care transcend cultural backgrounds, but I can’t shake the feeling that there might be unique challenges for a child being raised in a household that doesn’t share their cultural heritage.
I want the best for my grandchild, and I’m uncertain about how to approach this delicate topic with my daughter.
How can I express my concerns without coming across as judgmental or unsupportive of their decision to adopt? I want to ensure the baby’s upbringing is enriched with an appreciation for their cultural roots while creating a loving and inclusive family environment.
— Raising a Japanese Child
DEAR RAISING A JAPANESE CHILD: Stop worrying. Be happy for your daughter. She and her husband will be able to care for their precious child and provide a life for them.
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Sure, it would be great for the baby to learn about their ancestral heritage. You can encourage that as life unfolds, but know that this is not unique. Thousands of families each year successfully adopt children outside of their ethnic group or culture.
Consider this adoption a blessing, and do your best to support this child and your family.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
