DEAR HARRIETTE: I am very close to someone I used to have a thing with years ago. We started as good friends, became something more, then went back to being close friends.
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We give each other advice on relationships and everything, but at the same time, I always thought that we could become serious. Now we’re in completely different places in our lives, and he recently got out of a serious relationship and needs a friend.
I want to be as helpful as I can, but his ex brainwashed him in many ways, so it is hard to get through to him. Our values used to be so in line; however, now I have no clue where we stand.
It is weird for me to consistently give him advice when I do not agree with a lot of his current life goals and I feel our connection drifting.
Do I address this with him now or just be there for him as much as I can?
— Ex Advice
DEAR EX ADVICE: If possible, have a face-to-face meeting with your friend. Prepare to share your thoughts and feelings without dumping too much on him.
Since you talk a lot and he has told you about his ex, note that some of the ideas he has mentioned sound exactly like the ex, and it concerns you. Get him to talk about that a bit so you have a sense of where his head is.
If you think there is room for him to really see you now, tell him that you know he is suffering and you want to help him through this tough time. Admit that you also have long thought there might be a future for the two of you.
Ask him if he has had those thoughts. If so, agree to keep your future on the back burner. At least you both will have acknowledged the possibility.
I would not jump into a relationship with him right now, though. Rebounds rarely last.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is an entrepreneur. Over the past five years or so, his company has really taken off, and I couldn’t be happier for him.
Although his professional life is thriving, he rarely has any spare time, and taking a vacation has been off the table for the past year. I love my husband, and I want to continue to show support, but I also want to have quality time with him.
How do I tell him that I miss being with him without sounding like I am unsupportive or a nag?
— Missing My Husband
DEAR MISSING MY HUSBAND: Yes, you should talk to your husband.
Celebrate him for all that he is doing to make his business successful. Let him know you are proud of him. At the same time, tell him that you miss him.
Be clear that you need him to carve out some time for the two of you. Suggest weekly or biweekly date nights — even if they take place at home.
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Bring up the idea of a vacation. You might start with a weekend getaway. If he brushes you off, insist that you must do something.
You need to spend more time with him. Get him to make this a priority. Ask him to add you to his calendar if need be.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
