DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a 23-year-old lady with a 54-year-old father. At restaurants, he often makes comments to the waitresses, asking them if they’re married or have a significant other.
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It embarrasses me terribly, because these questions are more creepy than he thinks.
Is there any advice you could give me to politely tell him that he’s being a creepy old man?
GENTLE READER: “Asking strangers in a professional setting about their relationship status is just not proper. I’m sure you don’t want to come across to young women as predatory.”
And if your father insists that he comes from a different, more innocent era? Miss Manners suggests you remind him how that excuse has been working lately for certain prominent men his age and older.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We often hear the word “please” spoken in a way that is misapplied.
For example, on television game shows, contestants add the word “please” when informing the host which category or letter they want: “E, please,” or “‘Popular quotations’ for $200, please.”
The use of “please” in these instances seems misplaced. If it needs to be used, we think it should be the program host who says something like, “Make a selection, please.”
Those are some public examples, and we are increasingly hearing “please” used in similar ways in other public and private situations. Your thoughts?
GENTLE READER: Having devoted her life to trying to get people to be decent toward one another, let alone polite, Miss Manners is hardly going to condemn a rare public example. Both the host and the contestants should be saying “please.”
Furthermore, she is hard pressed to think of another situation, public or private, where a “please” would not be welcomed. Unless, of course, it is said sarcastically.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hold an annual ladies’ tea, which is presented in a formal, somewhat over-the-top manner.
I like to include champagne — usually served in a glass, but one time, I decided to put small individual bottles at each place setting.
Most of my guests seemed to find this a fun touch. However, one said, “I won’t drink mine right now, but I’ll take it home.”
I was taken aback by this. It seemed akin to choosing not to eat the tea sandwiches and instead asking for them to be boxed up to take home.
Was this a breach of guest etiquette, as it appeared to me?
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GENTLE READER: Welllll … While a whole, tiny bottle of champagne may appear to be a cute touch, Miss Manners can see how it could easily be mistaken for a party favor. The prospect of uncorking, pouring and not being able to finish the bottle at the table may well have caused confusion.
If you do not want your guests to swipe the libations, Miss Manners suggests that next year, you go back to pouring out their drinks for them.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
