DEAR HARRIETTE: After giving birth to a healthy baby boy, I experienced weight gain due to health issues.
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My partner admitted that he no longer finds me attractive, and he suggested an open relationship.
His suggestion has left me feeling hurt and insecure about my body. While I strive to understand his perspective, I find myself struggling with deep-seated fears.
The thought of leaving him is enticing, but I don’t think I can handle it, particularly with a newborn baby in the picture. I’m not sure how to proceed.
— First-Time Mom
DEAR FIRST-TIME MOM: Your partner is an impatient jerk who doesn’t deserve you.
That said, as a new mom, you don’t want to be reckless with your next steps. Look around you to figure out the support system you need to take care of yourself and your baby — without him. Set yourself up for success by putting your village in place and finding the people and services you require in order to have a safe and healthy life.
As far as his request for an open relationship, tell him no. Since you don’t want that — nor do you want a partner who no longer finds you attractive — when you are ready, you may want to tell him goodbye.
If he cannot respect you and all that it took to have a child, you may be better off without him.
It often takes time to feel comfortable in your body after giving birth. You may be able to lose weight eventually, but it’s also possible that you won’t. If he can’t love and appreciate you as you are and work with you as a partner and a new dad, let him go. Just make sure you let him know what his responsibilities will continue to be in caring for your child.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have worked for a nonprofit for the past three years as a fundraiser. I don’t want to sound vain, but I am really good at what I do, and I always exceed our target goal for the year. This is due to the fact that I have a lot of connections in my city thanks to prior jobs that I’ve held.
This year, management decided to hire multiple new employees. This was a poor decision on my company’s part because now we have a ton of new hires who barely do anything around the office but sit around and chat with one another.
Additionally, now that there are more people, this means more staff to pay. My boss has been pressuring me now to fundraise more because they need the money to pay the new hires’ salaries.
I feel frustrated and undervalued because the consequences of the organization’s misjudgment are now being pushed onto me.
How can I address this situation with my boss without jeopardizing my position? I want to continue to contribute to the organization’s success, but I also want my concerns to be heard and addressed.
— Unfair
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DEAR UNFAIR: Ask your boss for permission to speak freely. Then express your frustration about the current situation.
Explain that you had hoped this would be your time as you have put in so much effort with great success, but you feel like you are being punished because of what you think may have been a bad decision.
Let your boss react to your feelings. Don’t feel you have to figure it all out.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
