DEAR MISS MANNERS: I feel like my words are not heard when I communicate with others, especially customer service exchanges and with persons such as social workers and medical case managers.
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I repeat myself over and over. No matter how I rephrase my need, it’s casually brushed off or flat-out ignored. I am not in a position to change providers in these circumstances.
What do you say, that is still polite and kind, when you’re not being heard or acknowledged? I dread these conversations, and often have trouble falling asleep after an exchange goes south.
GENTLE READER: “I feel that I’m not being heard,” repeated as often as necessary until you are.
Of course, do not blame Miss Manners if, much like their AI counterparts, these customer service agents mechanically respond, “I’m sorry you feel that way. Did I solve the problem?”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s the “right” time to throw away greeting cards?
When friends or family send birthday or other greeting cards, I generally read them and then throw them away, to my husband’s consternation.
My view is that I can throw them away now, or stick them in a box and throw them away in 20 years.
GENTLE READER: True. But if it bothers your husband, compromise by throwing them away now but out of his sight.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have decided on a destination wedding, and we understand the financial burden this places on those who wish to attend.
We truly appreciate those who are generously giving of their time and finances to pay for travel and accommodations for several nights in a relatively high-end resort town during tourist season.
We would like to strongly convey to our guests that the travel is all the gift we could want or ask for. We share Miss Manners’ views on wedding registries and will not be having one, and we have told all who ask that their presence is the greatest gift they could give.
Many are not satisfied. In fact, some have gone as far as to tell us that by saying we don’t want gifts, we are just drawing more attention to the subject of gifts.
Please help us to kindly convey our sincere gratitude to those attending and deter those who feel required to do more.
GENTLE READER: It is so ingrained in modern wedding guests to follow a registry that they are often inclined to lash out when they are not told what to buy.
Miss Manners appreciates, however, that you are only telling people who ask that you do not require presents — rendering them the ones drawing attention to it, not you.
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Deflection is about all you can do. That, and declining to hand out a shopping list so they don’t have to think, which is probably the real source of their annoyance.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
