DEAR HARRIETTE: My 20-year-old daughter recently got her cosmetology license and has started working at a salon.
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She’s excited about her new job and the independence it brings, but now she’s telling me she wants to move out and get her own apartment. She says she’s ready for the next step and wants her own space to feel more “grown-up.”
The problem is, I’m not convinced she’s fully prepared for everything that comes with living on her own.
While she’s making decent money, she hasn’t been at her job long, and she hasn’t saved up much yet. I worry she’s underestimating the expenses involved and may struggle to keep up with bills, rent and other unexpected costs.
Plus, I’m concerned that, with the way the job market is, she might need more of a financial cushion if anything were to go wrong.
I know part of me just isn’t ready to let go, but I’m genuinely concerned that she’s moving too quickly. I want to support her dreams, but I don’t want her to jump into something she might not be ready for.
How can I help her see the bigger picture without discouraging her or coming across as overly protective?
— Next Steps
DEAR NEXT STEPS: Do not discourage your daughter. If she wants to go out on her own, support her.
Encourage her to make a budget for the year and map out her expenses and potential income. Let her know what you are willing and able to contribute if she needs help. Be clear and specific so she doesn’t attempt to rely on you more than is realistic.
Let her know she can come home if things don’t work out — no questions asked.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been thinking about leaving my husband, but I don’t think I can afford to be on my own.
Our lives and expenses are completely entangled — even though we have been estranged for a long time.
My girlfriend suggested I just stay and build a separate life, but I feel uncomfortable about that.
I am afraid of what to do next. Whenever I try to talk to him about our problems, he yells at me and says it’s all my fault. He refuses to get therapy, too.
What do I do next when I am scared to do anything?
— Paralyzed
DEAR PARALYZED: Get yourself a therapist — someone with whom you can talk through your issues to get a professional, unbiased opinion and guidance.
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You may also want to talk to a financial adviser to figure out a way forward with the financial resources that you do have.
Finally, consult with an attorney who can inform you of the laws of your state regarding division of resources upon divorce.
All of this information will help you to determine next steps. Do know that even when there are no financial concerns, extricating yourself from a marriage can be difficult. Give yourself time to figure it out.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
