DEAR ABBY: I’m in middle school and part of a large friend group.
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I have one friend, “Kaleigh,” who completely changed last year because of the influence of another girl. Kaleigh started saying inappropriate things and talking only about boys. She never did that before she became “best friends” with the other girl. It has ruined both of their reputations.
I can’t decide if I should confront them and, if I did, what to say.
I don’t want either of them to be mad at me. We have had arguments before, and it ends up bad for the group when anyone gets into an argument with them. They also frequently get into arguments with each other, and somehow the whole group gets involved.
This has been going on for a year, and it has put a strain on the group. I don’t know if I can handle more of this.
I am not sure they will be easy to reason with if I confront them. What should I do?
— MORE DRAMA IN TENNESSEE
DEAR MORE DRAMA: You can’t “save” or change Kaleigh, and telling her she is ruining her reputation may come across as jealousy.
You stated that you are part of a large friend group. Rather than confront Kaleigh, start concentrating on friendships with other girls in the group.
One thing I have realized over the years is you can never have enough friends.
DEAR ABBY: How do I handle an elderly aunt who has a gambling problem?
I live in a town with casinos. She lives in another state four hours away. She calls me often to ask to stay with me; if I am traveling, she asks to use my house.
A year ago, she called me to help her get excluded from gambling in the state where she lives because she was out of control. She can no longer gamble where she lives, cannot afford a hotel to go to towns with a casino and sees me as her gambling getaway.
I have explained that I have a roommate, and my place is small. I have no interest in someone who spends hours at a craps table coming into my home (I’m health-conscious), and I flat-out cannot accommodate her as a guest. She won’t give up!
Is my only option to end communication with her?
— NOT BETTING ON HER
DEAR NOT BETTING: Screening her calls is one option. The other is to keep repeating your mantra that you cannot accommodate her because you have a roommate and your place is too small. Then encourage her to find another hobby. If you do, she may stop asking you and look for another enabler.
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DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear late mother:
Oh, Heavenly Father,
We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.
We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.
We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.
We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.
May these remembrances stir us to service, that Thy gifts to us may be used for others.
Amen.
Have a happy and safe celebration, everyone! — Love, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
