DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who drinks a bit too much. He does not get drunk every day, but he does have wine or beer frequently and does not eat as much as he should.
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I do not want to get into his business too much because he is going through something right now, but his coping mechanisms are not the healthiest. He said that he was seeking therapy, but he has not brought up drinking as one of his concerns.
It is not to the point of staging an intervention, and we are in college, so drinking culture is very normalized, but I am worried about him.
How do I bring up his alcohol consumption without coming off as insensitive or confrontational? I do not want him to think that I am intervening in his life, but I want to look out for him.
— Drinking Problem
DEAR DRINKING PROBLEM: Talk to your friend and bring up the uncomfortable subject. Tell him you have noticed that his drinking has increased and you are concerned.
Can you buddy up with him and agree not to drink for the next few days or weeks? Offer to be his sober accountability partner so he can make the effort to curb his behavior.
If he refuses or can’t do it, recommend that he put drinking on his topics list with his therapist.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My birthday just passed, and I am throwing a birthday party at my friend’s house.
I used to invite everyone in my grade to my parties when I was younger, but my classes were also very small then. Now that I am in college, I cannot invite everybody.
There are a few people my friends are close to who I have some problems with, but I do not want it to be awkward or cause issues because they are not invited. I still have a lot of people I want to come and have told about the party, but I don’t want to pack my friend’s house out of respect for them.
How should I manage my party, particularly the guest list? Should I tell people to show up at different times to control the influx of people?
— Birthday Party
DEAR BIRTHDAY PARTY: Talk to the friends whose home you are using to host the party. Tell them that you are concerned about keeping the number of guests in check and overall management of the guest list. Ask for a guest limit to help you make your choices.
Since it is your party, chances are they will allow you to invite who you want. For sensitivity’s sake, if you can stomach a couple of their besties, you should.
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You know how your friends party. If you invite them to stop by, will some come and go, or will they stay whenever they get there? Go with your gut on party flow.
Honor the number of guests that you and your host agree on, and trim the list from there. Not everybody gets to attend every event.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
