DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m at the phase in my life where financial planning has become crucial, especially with a partner who tends to overspend.
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I’m concerned about my fiance’s spending habits impacting our financial goals.
How can I delicately express my worries and suggest changes without making it sound like blame? He is very sensitive about these things.
We both agreed I would handle the budget, but I want to ensure our savings grow as we planned.
— Need To Save
DEAR NEED TO SAVE: Start by fully accepting the responsibility that you have.
You and your fiance agreed that you would handle the budget. It’s time to do just that — and be firm about it.
Find out if your fiance’s company can send part of his salary directly to his 401(k) or another savings instrument. In this way, he won’t have it at his fingertips to be able to spend.
Engage a financial adviser to learn strategies for building wealth over time. You can start small, but reserve a part of your collective income for investing.
For everyday living, create a weekly or monthly budget that you discuss with your fiance and that you both follow. You can post it on the refrigerator so you both can see and refer to it.
Reserve an hour each week for a family meeting where you and your fiance talk about “business.” This can include finances, schedules, housework — whatever needs to be addressed.
If you establish the consistency of meeting to discuss your life weekly, it will make it easier to find a way to address tough questions when they come up.
DEAR HARRIETTE: How do I, while in a heterosexual romantic relationship, manage and nurture healthy opposite-sex friendships without causing discomfort or misunderstandings with my partner?
Are there specific boundaries or communication approaches I can adopt to maintain trust and ensure mutual comfort in such situations?
— Establishing Friendships
DEAR ESTABLISHING FRIENDSHIPS: It’s all about honesty and trust.
The two of you must first have an understanding about what your relationship is and what your boundaries are. Talk about that. Are you monogamous? What do you expect from each other in your relationship?
How do you view friends? How do you feel about having friends independent of each other? Do you want your friends to all be mutual? And, very specifically, how do you feel about having friends who are of the opposite sex?
Since you obviously would like to continue to maintain your friendships, you should talk to your partner about your friends and introduce them to each other. Nobody should be a secret friend, even if you don’t go out together with all of your friends.
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Be transparent. Say when you are going to meet up with someone. Acknowledge when you talked to a friend and something meaningful was shared. That does not mean you have to say every time somebody calls or texts you. Just share that information when it could come into question.
As long as you don’t blur the lines with your friends, you stand a chance of this working, provided your partner is in alignment with you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
