DEAR HARRIETTE: Regarding the woman who felt snubbed for not being invited to be her best friend’s maid of honor:
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When I got married, I wanted more than anything to have my best friend as my maid of honor. However, I knew it would cause no end of trouble and hard feelings if I didn’t have my sister in that position. Therefore, I explained the situation to my best friend, and she understood and accepted it.
Funnily enough, about 10 years earlier when she got married, she had asked much the same of me. It wasn’t her sister, but her high school friend whom she felt she needed to ask to take the position.
I acquiesced because it made no difference to me; it didn’t mean we weren’t best friends, and I felt no ill will toward anyone. Besides, it was her big day to do as she wished, and I would never in a million years want to do anything to cause it to be less than what she’d dreamed of.
In my opinion, it seems that too often people forget that true love, in all its forms, should be patient, kind and understanding.
— True Love
DEAR TRUE LOVE: Thank you for your perspective.
Weddings stir up many emotions, particularly around hierarchy in relationships. Remembering to look through the eyes of love and compassion can help tremendously for all parties involved.
Communication is key. I would like to recommend to all brides to talk to your friends and loved ones. You can choose whomever you want to stand with you in your wedding, but it is wise and kind to talk to the ones who don’t get to have that role of honor to ensure that they know you love and value them.
Perhaps there are other roles they can take on to support you and keep the circle of positivity flowing.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 23-year-old woman facing a dilemma within my friend group of four.
Our group consists of two girls and two guys. The other girl in our group enjoys wearing a significant amount of makeup. I don’t mind this, as I believe everyone has the right to express themselves in a way that makes them feel confident and beautiful.
However, our male friends consistently give her a hard time about her makeup choices. They go as far as telling her to take it off, claiming that she looks ugly with it on.
This situation makes me uncomfortable, and I’m unsure about how to address it. I believe everyone has the right to make their own choices regarding their appearance without facing judgment from others.
How can I approach my male friends to express my concerns about their comments without causing unnecessary conflict within our friend group?
— Friend Drama
DEAR FRIEND DRAMA: Speak directly to your male friends and ask them to back off.
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It’s fine for them to have an opinion about your friend, but it’s inappropriate to badger her about it. Insist that they let her be.
Tone is everything. Since she loves makeup, they might want to give her some makeup lessons from a pro, but they should stop the name-calling now. That’s not how friends treat each other.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
